


cricket has bats

by davidrosing



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Fluff, M/M, This is pure fluff, there literally isn't even a kiss in this fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-20
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2019-06-30 06:34:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15746259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/davidrosing/pseuds/davidrosing
Summary: After his first meeting with Patrick, David decides to do some research on his sport metaphors and maybe overthinks everything a little along the way.





	cricket has bats

**Author's Note:**

> ok so my friend and i were watching schitt's creek and just thought it was really interesting that david wears a baseball shirt LITERALLY the episode after he meets patrick and patrick makes all those baseball references. and i couldn't find a fic about it so i literally got an AO3 account and wrote one myself lol

"Did you know Amanda Bynes and David Cross hooked up on the set of _She's the Man_?" David said, scrolling through his phone absentmindedly. Alexis mirrored him on the other bed.

" _Ew_ , David," she said. He smiled in response, and though he didn't look up from his phone he could almost see her making a face at him.

David loved the internet. It sounded like something shallow to say out loud, something to be looked down upon by other "more evolved" people, but it was true. He loved random facts and having an entire universe of useless information at the tip of his fingers. It had been especially important to him since moving into the motel. Although it wasn't entirely true anymore, when he'd first arrived at Schitt's Creek his phone was his one escape from his new hellscape of a life.

David would Google anything that popped into his mind. Sometimes, he even learned valuable information. What's the name of this bug? He'd search for 'big bugs with milky exoskeletons' (after trying 'huge demonic death cricket' to no avail). What does it mean to "fold in" the cheese? He'd found a video to show to his mother and they'd bonded over learning something new. Buzzfeed quizzes let him escape for 20 minutes or so, telling him which Kardashian he was, obviously Kourtney, or what kind of pasta matched his personality.

He loved the clickbait articles that lined the side of any not-so-reputable online news source. _10 Celebrities Whose Real Names Will Make You GAG!_ had led him to learn that Richard Gere's middle name was Tiffany... _Tiffany_. He'd gone through hundreds of listicles on why Hollywood won't hire Julia Stiles (an utter travesty and a huge mistake, in his expert opinion) or Haley Joel Osment or any other celebrity you know from one or two movies anymore. _Historic Figures On IMDb_ showed him Rosa Parks' one episode stint on Touched By an Angel and F. Scott Fitzgerald's many screenwriting credits.

The day that he waltzed into Ray's and was introduced to Patrick, he got something new to waste his Googling energy on. Patrick was... intriguing. A little more confident than David was comfortable with, and, though you'd be hard-pressed to get him to admit it, easy on the eyes. It wasn't out of the ordinary for David to take his phone out after plopping onto his twin bed that evening and do a quick search to read up on... whatever sport Patrick kept making references to. Cricket, he'd thought at first. It's not that he was interested, by any means. Just bored. At least, that's what he'd tell himself.

Before typing it in, though, he thought maybe this was the sort of thing to ask his sister about. A bad instinct.

"Cricket has bats, right?" he asked. He was still looking down at his phone pretending to scroll through something much too interesting to tear his eyes from.

"Yeah," Alexis answered.

So he'd been right... though something nagged at him to question her further. Another bad instinct.

"Are there any other bat sports, though?"

There was a pause, long enough to pull David from his make-believe scrolling to check and see if she'd heard him. He turned to look at her and saw the look of mixed shock and glee on her face. He'd made a mistake.

He could feel the rosy flush on his cheeks as he rolled his eyes, tossed his phone to the side and said "What?!" with a wild wave of his hands. He sat up to get a clearer look at her.

"David. Baseball. _Baseball_ , David."

Baseball. Yikes. Right. He rolled his eyes again, obviously enough for Alexis to clearly see it, before laying back down and picking his phone up with a huff. He still felt the burn on his cheeks but he was pretty sure Alexis hadn't noticed.

Just to be sure, he opened a new tab and typed in 'throw a change up.' Yup. Still baseball. And if Alexis had reacted like that, he wondered what Patrick had possibly thought of him. Not that he cared, obviously. He just couldn't have his only real business resource thinking he was stupid.

\--

A week later, he still hadn't heard back from Patrick about his business license. After a long and embarrassing ordeal involving a joint and a lot of voicemails (like, a ridiculous amount of voicemails) he was approved, but nothing had arrived in the mail and no one had called him about picking it up. David resolved himself to the fact that he'd have to go by Ray's and get it himself.

David had also scheduled a large pick-up for that day, and he'd tasked Alexis to come and help him with it. Not that she'd be much help, but he enjoyed the company. He figured he'd get the product first, then to the store to get a bit unloaded and organized, and then finally run over to Ray's around lunchtime. That way, he might be able to avoid Patrick altogether, and any further humiliation.

He shook his head at himself. That was a stupid idea, obviously. All of this was so ridiculous. As much as David had embarrassed himself around Patrick, he knew he had to do something to save some face. After all, he was a really kind, funny, handsome... resource. Business resource. 

Like a godsend, that morning as he was rummaging through his clothes he had an idea. He'd wear that sweatshirt. The baseball one with the skull. Givenchy. Then Patrick would know he'd only been joking. Which he hadn't. But maybe he'd believe it after seeing the sweatshirt... Or maybe David was thinking too hard about all of this. Either way he shrugged the sweatshirt on over a grey undershirt. 

\--

The morning had been full of Alexis being nothing but a nuisance, as he'd predicted. He'd kept his cool for the most part, but after asking her to get the box of hand creams from the back more than once he was frustrated to find that she'd grabbed one single container and was now "sampling" it. Apparently, the box had been too heavy for her. "Yeah," He responded to whatever it was she was going on about now - festivals, maybe? He ignored her and went to retrieve the box himself.

He could still hear her talking to herself when he made his way back to the front with a smaller box. She was right, the hand cream was pretty heavy. He rounded the corner and heard another voice. A man's voice. Patrick's, he realized pretty quickly. So much for avoiding him.

Alexis was clearly flirting. She had that look on her face, one David knew pretty well. It didn't bother him or anything. Why would it? No. Just if things went south, he'd lose his only business resource in town! Now Alexis was nearly choking him, tightly tying one of the new knit scarves around his neck.

"That is actually cat hair," David said setting the box down on the counter, "There's a Himalayan breeder up the street that knits them for us. Hi."

Stupid. "Hi"? Why would he say "hi"?

"Hi," Patrick said back, the same sweet smile on his face that he wore the first time they'd met. "I'm just dropping off your business license and, uh, activating my allergies."

"Oh, in that case you should probably take that off... yeah, like now!"

"Oh!" Patrick exclaimed, hurriedly removing the scarf.

Alexis made her way over to David. "Isn't that the sweetest thing, that he framed it?"

David felt a warmth in his chest, and a flush on his face. "Um... that is very sweet. Thank you, Patrick." It was an ugly frame, sure, but it was kind and personal and Patrick had done it for him. He kept a straight face, though, already thinking about how he'd need to run into Elmdale to pick a replacement frame.

"Oh, actually they, uh, they all come framed," Patrick responded.

"Okay, thank God," David said, maybe a little too fast. He could feel the sinking feeling in his stomach and he worked quickly not to let it show on his face. What did he care? It was a frame, from the clearly straight business major working at Ray's, "Because I was just thinking this frame is a little too corporate for my brand."

"David, I was just about to sample the unisex Mennonite cologne on Patrick," Alexis interjected, the cologne already in her hand.

"Um, that's not a sample," David shot Alexis a look. His eyebrows were so far up on his forehead they might fly away, "and you've sampled half the store at this point. So we still need to sell all this stuff."

"Okay, well I flattened out the lip balm, so no one's gonna notice," Alexis looked pointedly back at him.

Like clockwork, Patrick spoke up. "There's a lot of stuff in here, David. You don't wanna spend too much money up front."

For a moment, David was thankful that Patrick changed the subject. That didn't last long, though, with Alexis making her way over to where Patrick was standing as if to join in on the lecture.

"Yeah. That is not good, David."

David rolled his eyes. As if he needed Alexis to be giving him advice on how to run a business.

"You have to be prepared to survive a full year without making any profit," Patrick continued.

"Actually, the textbooks now say 18 months," Alexis added, looking back at Patrick to gauge his response.

David was done with this. He could already feel a headache coming on from how scrunched together his forehead had stayed, and he wasn't going to add that to the list of annoyances Alexis had brought along with her today.

"Well, what are the textbooks saying about curating a selection of products from local vendors and selling them on consignment in a one-stop-shop retail environment that benefits both the vendor and the customer?" He asked, resting his case and clearly ending the argument.

"Well, I don't have my textbook on me..." Alexis trailed off.

"I stand corrected," Patrick said with an awe stricken smile on his face. David had almost forgotten he was there. Okay, that's a lie. But he'd forgotten for a moment to not try so hard to impress him. David tried not to smile and failed before turning around to unload a box.

"Listen, if you need help I'm happy to help," and when Patrick spoke he looked at David and David alone.

"Um, why? Alexis is here helping," David responded sarcastically, glancing in Alexis's direction.

"Well, no, if Patrick has offered to move all the boxes then I think we should let him," she said smiling flirtatiously at Patrick.

"Uh, is that what I offered?" Patrick asked. He seemed pretty unfazed by Alexis. David made a note and tried not to look too happy about it.

"Okay, well, thank you Patrick," he said, smiling at Patrick in a very professional, composed sort of way.

"You're welcome," Alexis responded and David had to keep himself from scoffing. "Um, okay so you can start by moving all of those big things of hand cream." 

David heard Alexis start to give orders and let himself start drowning her out again. He smiled at Patrick as he saw him approach the counter and he felt Patrick graze his back as he moved past, like a prickly shock on each part of his back that had been touched. He looked up at Alexis and she was staring at him.

 _What?_ he mouthed. She looked toward the back and threw up the OK symbol with her hands. David made a face back that maybe said something like a mixture of _ew _and_ what do you mean? _They didn't have any more time to make faces at each other, though, because Patrick was coming back up front. David moved out of the way this time to make room for the huge box of hand cream. Patrick set it on the ground next to the center display table and turned around to look at David.

"By the way, I like your shirt," he gestured to his sweatshirt then smiled up at David and David could see that he was completely earnest.

David smiled back at him teasingly and responded, "Thanks. It's a cricket ball."

Patrick let out a small chuckle and shook his head as he made his way to the back again. David started unloading the box of hand cream and no matter how he tried, he couldn't wipe the smile off his face. He didn't bother looking for Alexis's response. He could guess that she was looking at him with those knowing eyes.

The next day Patrick came into the shop to propose that they become business partners. David agreed because why wouldn't he? He needed someone who knew what they were doing, and he didn't exactly see any others knowledgeable people lining up for the job. While he was there Patrick confessed that he had actually bought the frame, and David kept his composure but inside he felt his chest flood with warmth all over again. A thought flickered in his head: maybe he'd read up on baseball tonight.


End file.
